Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What have I done?

I guess I'll start by saying that I cannot believe I did it. To be honest, many times I do wish I was back to how I was before surgery. It's difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet. I miss waking up and having my huge buttery breads and my soda. I hate not being able to eat pizza. I know how bad all this is for me, but I just did it for so long it became part of me. I know I don't appreciate the surgery just yet. The beginning is difficult. I get hungry, I guess Im not like other people that say they're not interested in food. I am. and then I sit down with a little bit of soup, and its so depressing. I never thought myself to be an emotional eating. But I have realized how much I depended on food to make me feel good and be an eventful experience. Now, eating is kind of a chore and a boring experience. I guess it's difficult to accept. Im not hopeless though. I don't regret the surgery, and I know in a few months I will singing a different tune. I guess Im going thru withdrawal.

Monday, March 14, 2011

At Home

The night I came home was miserable. I was happy to be home, But gosh i was in pain and miserable. I had been experiencing some weird reflux. Everytime I would swallow something, it was like an alkaseltzer was dropped into my stomach, and some strange foam/acid would back into my throat. God that was horrible. Nexium didn't help it though. I was in pain, and the percocet would only take off the edge so that I didn't go nuts. In the hospital, once they took off the pain pump, they were crushing the percocet and putting it into apple juice. That was horrendous. When the pain got unbearable, they gave me a delicious shot of dilaudid. At home I had nothing else. The percocet did help me sleep at night though. However, I was waking up every 2 hours to pee, which was annoying but figured I needed to get all that extra fluids out. I slept 80% of the day as the percocet made me sleepy. I think it was all that sleeping that helped me heal faster. By Saturday, I was trying to cut down the amount of pills I was taking, and was experiencing less pain. Sunday came and I felt even better. I think I only took one pill on Sunday. Monday I was pill and pain free. Eating was a depressing side of my first week. I survived on Chicken broth and greek yogurt. water and artificial juices would make me gag. I'm hoping for a better upcoming week.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

My Surgery Experience

I showed up the hospital at 6:30 am and was called in kind of quickly. Lenox Hill wasn't as luxurious as I thought tbh. The anesthesiologist came by and talked to me for a bit while I was sitting on that blue chair. They drew tons of blood and started the first shot of heparin. Dr. Roslin came by for just a quick chat, and his physician assistant who only made me worry more. The nurse came to get me and we walked to the operating room. Everyone was cleaning the laparascopic instruments which were these long metal sticks. It was cold as hell in that room. They had me get up on the bed which seemed to be made of beans, lol. Everytime I'd tried, the bed would shift and I'd slide down. lol. I finally made it. They went to put the central line, and he said he would put a numbing medicine first. HOLY SHIT!! that was more painful then anything else. He started to put the line in, and I felt it crawling up my arm from the inside. They exposed my stomach and put a nice warm blanket over my legs. They put some oxygen on me, and I knew it was almost time. I started thinking in my head how much I loved my babygirl, and that if I didn't wake up to make sure He takes care of her. Next thing I know I wake up in recovery, with a throat drier than I've ever had in my life, and frantically looking for a clock in the roof. (I have a thing about knowing what time it is) It was almost 1 pm. I was in a lot of pain. I started trying to call the nurse, but had no voice because my throat was bone dry. She finally saw me gesturing and told her i had a lot of pain. She gave me an extra boost of my pain pump, and I was off to sleep. When I woke up it was around 3pm. They were moving me to a room, and I told her to please put me in the window side. She did. I had a catheter, which made moving kind of uncomfortable. I looked at my stomach, scared that they might've had to open me up because of my weight. To my surprise I had 5 bandaids, and thought that was hilarious. I also saw a big ass gauze in my bellybutton and wondered what the hell happened there. I had no idea that's where they take your remaining stomach out of. My little brother(12) came by at like 5 pm after school. He was the first person there. They made me get up to walk at around 6pm. My bro came with me. Which was sweet because he was the first person to walk with me too after I had a c-section 4 years before. I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't straighten my back, and my stomach just simply hurt. I only walked down the hallway and came right back. I spent most of the day sleeping. The next morning, I was on my way to get my upper gi. It felt kind of awesome being pushed around on a wheelchair. lol. Everything went great, and i was honestly happy about drinking that yucky drink because I was just so damn thirsty. lol. Later today they took out the catheter and it got pee all over the doctor, ha very embarrassing, but it was his fault. I was told to pee on a container so they can measure my output. Later that day I farted. I spent the rest of the day trying to fart but scared to push too much because I was scared I might push my intestines out. They brought me a meal of yucky jello and tea, and even worst soup.. ugh. My mom brought me some soup and I felt so much better. On Wednesday, my last day, I pooped. Yuck, what the hell was that. Its like I was pooping dirt. I had so much gas in my stomach though, and every gas was accompanied by dirt, lol. I didn't care. I was happy to be getting all that gas out of my stomach. I was sent home with twice a day Lovenox shots to make sure I was bloodclot free. The ride home was awful though, gosh, who knew there were so many damn bumps in the street.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

My Last Meal

Well this was my last meal. On Saturday night I went to one of my fave restaurants Cafe 809 with my boyfriend. We ordered the meat platter. It had chicken, steak, chorizo, and pork chops. We had it with fried green plantains, fried sweet plantains, and rice. For dessert I had some pineapple flan. I decided to have breakfast right before my liquid only diet. My favorite of course. Toasted bread with fried eggs, ham, and mozzarella cheese, and big glass of coke. I usually ate two hero sized bread. I guess I could see how I got to this weight. However, I dream of the day I can eat this again. Though a MUCH smaller portion.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

My "De"gression....

This slideshow is showing what I looked like 10 years ago up until now. sigh...

From Back in the day

Friday, March 4, 2011

My Before....

Weighing 362lbs

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Monday is the big day!!

and I am terrified. I still don't understand how am I supposed to down all these vitamins and I still don't have a stash of protein drinks for when I come home. Im an obsessive over-thinker, and decisions don't come easy to me. ugh. I am scared, but ready for my new life.